Doors

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“I have always knocked at the door of that wonderful and terrible enigma which is life.”
~ Eugengio Montale

And so I have. I suppose one could say that I’ve knocked on many of Life’s doors, and have gone in, looked around, found myself a comfortable chair for a while, tippled a glass of wine and broke bread with whatever existed behind those doors. I’ve laughed and I’ve cried; I’ve loved and I’ve been loved; I’ve sung with the Spirit of Life, and I’ve danced in the boxing ring with the challenges that came along. I admit that there have been times I wished I’d made some different choices … perhaps listened to my instincts a little better … but I have no real regrets, for the road I’ve traveled these almost-62 years has been one of living from the heart. And in that, there is no remorse. The colors of my life have been many and I’ve peered out from behind many windows and walked through many doors. I have to be honest, it’s not always been easy. Sometimes the challenges take my breath away and knock me down to the floor. But I truly believe that I – and you, and all of us – are not born just as physical beings, here to live and then die … but that we are also a living eternal breath of existence, with depth and spirit and soul beyond that which we can see. So in those challenges, I work to find the lessons. Sometimes it’s simply the reminder to listen to that heart from which I choose to live.

Such as it was in Taos. While Taos was indeed beautiful and held a spirit like none I’ve ever experienced, it was not good for, or to, me. It consumed far more of my being, of my life, than the brief three months I was there. And so … the journey found me once again looking at the map, asking “where shall I go?” As my fingertips scanned the thousands of towns and cities and hills and valleys, plains and mountains, they came to rest on southern Colorado … an area that I’ve always loved, since I first dreamed of traveling west over 45 years ago. As they continued to circle the map, they stopped on Durango. And so here I am for now. In Durango, Colorado. I moved, so strangely, the day before I ended up in the ER with a horrible jaw/tooth infection. And though this last week-and-a-half has indeed found itself mired in its own challenges, it is good here. The area is incredibly beautiful – a very wonderful mixture of the deserts of northern NM and the high snowy peaks of the San Juans and Rockies – and once I am back on my feet, there is much more opportunity for work to be found. My heart sings with the pines and the deep greens of the thick forests here, my soul flows with the ever-moving Animas River, and my soul – and body – will heal in time.

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Looking ahead, I feel a movement, a change perhaps, within … as if Life is preparing a new path for me. What it is yet, I do not know. This is the limbo stage, the quiet, the waiting … the Winter. I look forward to Spring, and the rebirth of newness to come. Peace and many blessings to you all, as you gather together with your families to celebrate the holidays. Enjoy the moments, enjoy and cherish each other.

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